Ain’t afraid to die. What really blows my mind is seeing other people die.

I saw a lot of people die. I was around when my mother died, my grandfather, lots of relatives indeed, some childhood friends, my first wife…

Other people are gone, but I’m still here. Or am I not?

Sometimes it looks like I’m gone yet in the life of someone deceased to me, but for real I’m the one who’s dead.

Therefore I’m dead, dreaming I’m still alive.

But if I’m dreaming, the life has ended, and now is forever. So all the bad things must last, while good things will pass. It drives me anxious. Much worse than death is it never to come.

If it’s all a dream, perhaps there’s nobody across the line to read this… or you’re there, thinking I’m crazy.

Maybe you’re the one which isn’t here anymore, and I’m just your consciousness trying to wake you up.

Musician, senior software engineer, autistic, and autistic parent (not necessarily in this order)

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store